The Tanooki Suit

Bum Ass Burgers...

2009-02-25T17:45:00.007-05:00

FIRST AND FOREMOST: since when did it become cool to have a “burger shot”? Alright, before I start this short rant allow me to apologize for my lack of posts the past 3 weeks; I’ve actually been in my Batcave crafting topics to perfection. And they shall get revealed very shortly. So don’t worry, Team Detwiler is back and firing on all cylinders and I promise this rant won’t take up too much

Ode to the Sidekick....

2009-02-03T01:52:00.001-05:00

What have I been doing with my life you ask? Very good question. I've been locked in my basement listening to every Jock Jams, Kidz Bop, and Wow! That's Music compact disk ever released. Don't judge me. They are just too addictive. But as I was listening to this marathon of terrible variations of past popular songs, something struck me. I HATE Kidz Bop. Why are these hyper little shits not taking

Want Some Cereal?

2009-01-25T22:30:00.003-05:00

Breakfast. It's claimed to be the most important meal of the day. Why? Does it really give you that zest needed to start off your day? Can breakfast somehow raise your scores exponentially on standardized tests? FALSE. Just to let you know, out of the hundreds of millions of people in the United States that eat cereal every morning, 87% of them are children. Furthermore, 59.2% of all statistics

Hip-Hop in 2009...

2009-01-10T15:23:00.021-05:00

Season 3 bitches! New music...new topics...new set up. I'm back and I'm feeling this red look, I must say. Plus, I'm going back to the good ole days when Bad Boy was on top. I'm now trying to make my readers involuntarily Harlem Shake whenever reading one of my posts. So what is in store for the new year? We've got a black First Lady, a Justice League movie is in the works, and we are still

Detwiler's Guide to College Living (Section III)...

2008-11-20T04:15:00.017-05:00

So, I had to cut off the soundtrack of my life to right of this screen and dig into my dusty CD collection to write this post. I had to take it back to the days when taking turns on the computer and burning mix cd’s were the thing to do on a Tuesday or after a terrible party night. Everyone talks about how college is all about the connections you make and the experiences you have as result of

TUMail Evolution...

2008-11-17T13:51:00.013-05:00

This would be the bullshit. My life is in absolute upheaval. This would not be caused by last week's election results, but because of the fact that Temple University feels as though it is necessary to "fix" things that don't need to be fixed. Why is it that people are always trying to innovate things that are already sufficient enough?Well as we all know, Temple University Mail is now powered by

A Letter to Black America...

2008-11-03T21:50:00.008-05:00

Here we are, finally. I am sitting in my living room writing this post on the Eve of the 2008 Presidential Election. Tomorrow on November 4, 2008 history will ultimately be made. Either the Republican Party creates history and seats a woman in the Vice Presidential position or the democrats will forever be able to claim it is the party of the first black president.

Ring Tone Regulation...

2008-10-29T18:16:00.006-04:00

Peak-a-boo you mark ass busters! For some reason as I begin to type this post, I can’t help but hear the opening line of Mase’s “Welcome Back” on loop in my mind. Welcome back…welcome back…welcome baaaaaaaaaacckk. Yes, guys and gals (I sound like Sarah Palin) it has been quite a long time since I last tapped the keys of my laptop to leave you with some words of wisdom. October has been an

The Great Society...

2008-09-29T19:24:00.004-04:00

Facebook is such a marvellous invention. What started out as an opportunity for old friends to find each other and get reacquainted, has transformed into a global social network that has completely transformed the way people meet one another. Remember back to a time when you saw an attractive chick, you would ask your friends if they knew her; the next time you saw her you would talk to her, get

Detwiler's Guide to College Living (Section II)...

2008-09-19T21:38:00.008-04:00

Ok...So I have already covered part of what it is required to be socially involved in the college environment. But let's try to remember the real reason why mom and pop are shipping you away to this institution of higher learning. Teaching yourself the physics of playing a flawless game of Quarters is hardly worth $30,000 a year in tuition. There's a necessary component to college that involves

I Will "Take That" No More Diddy...

2008-09-16T16:35:00.009-04:00

Let me open up this passage with a simple question directed solely to Mr. Sean "Diddy" Combs: Since when did you rule the world? For some odd reason, you have come to believe that you have become the king of the music/entertainment industry. How you have come to this conclusion about yourself baffles me and anyone else who might witness you all over television acting the complete fool. Now I

The Gumbies...

2008-09-11T06:04:00.027-04:00

Who would have thought that in 1954 when the clay animation Gumby first debuted that this green booger looking creature would be the forefather of a commonly worn hairstyle of the 90s decade? For those who do not know, Gumby was a heroic green block of clay who kept children entertained as it was featured on the Howdy Doody Show. Look, you may not know much about Gumby but he is the sole inventor

Detwiler's Guide to College Living (Section I)...

2008-09-11T00:49:00.011-04:00

WAKE UP GOD DAMMIT. It’s the month of September and it’s that time of the year again. College orientation and move-in has come and gone and now it’s time to get into the swing of things. For those of you just starting out on this college adventure, you’ve already experienced your new student orientation where the cafeteria food was for some reason utterly delicious and the sight of the multitudes

The World's Greatest Evil...

2008-09-04T01:57:00.010-04:00

America, we are living in tumultuous times. The presidential election of November 2008 is hastily approaching. The fate of the free world is up in the air like a basketball at tip off time. However, the two hands reaching for this ball are the brown hands of a man who will without a doubt catch the “itis” while delivering his State of the Union address because he ate too much poultry in the

Marriage? Sacred? Please...

2008-08-28T01:09:00.014-04:00

Gather around children, Ellen Degeneres got married last week…to another woman. There’s so many things wrong with this picture...First off, Ellen is 50 years old. This just might be my youth speaking but: who cares when the elderly get married anyway? Personally, I hate the Cha-Cha Slide, cougar cleavage is only sexy when seen on women adamantly AGAINST marriage, and everyone in attendance are

Once Upon a Time...I Peed on a Girl...

2008-08-21T05:06:00.010-04:00

You know, before I even get started I would like to say that I apologize for luring you into this particular post with such a title. I understand that it starts off so innocently and then BAM…urine. Yes, such a sudden change is indeed misleading. I just feel like I needed to grab your attention because this is without a doubt a story that needs to get passed on through the ages. As a young child

Mail for a Mr. Michael Phelps...

2008-08-15T18:00:00.018-04:00

Dear Mr. Michael Phelps,May I call you Mikey? That was a rhetorical question Fival; you do not answer. You sir, have successfully and utterly baffled me. Just where did you come from? How is it that in the span of two weeks you were able to grasp the hearts of every single female in the United States of America? Some could argue that I am a hater but I think it needs to be said: you play in water

Old People: You Don't get off the Hook That Easy...

2008-08-14T02:22:00.016-04:00

Ah, but the old people. Yes, you get the spotlight also. Where shall I begin?How about I start with LL Cool J? Yes, we'll start with this shiny bald headed jacked up midget that has been lingering around the hip-hop world for over two decades now. Jesus, has anyone took the time to realize that his first name is comprised of the same letter twice? (sigh) Sincerely, from me to you LL (and I

If You Were Born In or After 1992, You're a Pussy...

2008-08-11T13:53:00.009-04:00

You know, I don’t normally like to generalize. Personally, I prefer to single people out on their faults rather than create a tragic norm out of a couple rotten apples. Yet, there are always outliers. For example, I don’t hate Asians. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy General Tso’s chicken and Dragonball-Z reruns. However, that Asian chick that rolls her books around campus in LUGGAGE makes me sick and

I Hate New Jersey...

2008-08-08T23:58:00.018-04:00

There are few states in which I hate in their entirety. (1) Montana, which I refer to as the Shawn Bradley of all states due to the fact that it is big for no real reason and has nothing to contribute to the country, (2) Rhode Island, the dangling turd of the United States, (3 & 4) The Dakotas, which are the Siamese twins of the nation (joined in ass to forehead manner), and of course (5) New

"Aight, Just Gimme a Whopper..."

2008-08-07T23:57:00.028-04:00

College (also see University) col·legePronounced: \ˈkä-lij\(noun)1. A wonderous place made for attaining large quantities of sexual encounters2. An institution designed for higher learning that is commonly used as an excuse for adolescents to move as far away from their parents as financially possible3. The number one cause of debt in America (because of Sallie Mae mainly)4. The number one

A Necessary Movie Remake...

2008-08-04T14:35:00.010-04:00

Today, I sat down and reread my previous post regarding movies of the summer season. I feel as though regardless of the season, despite technological advances in making movies way more aesthetically pleasing, creativity is being sacrificed in the process. It seems rather than sitting down and blueprinting something new and revolutionary, Hollywood prefers to remake every graphic novel lining the

Breaking Into the Pentagon...

2008-08-04T13:19:00.005-04:00

Ah, the Pentagon. Some would say that it’s an impenetrable structure. Its manifold of defense mechanisms, advanced technologies, and unparalleled intelligence makes it almost impossible to infiltrate. It has boggled the minds of millions and discouraged the spirits of almost all who have attempted to penetrate this modern day Troy. Those of you thinking I am speaking of the building created by

Bullshit Movies...

2008-07-31T23:17:00.031-04:00

Where do I start? First let me explain that I absolutely despise the season we call summer. SHIT IS TOO HOT. And apparently it's illegal to run the streets butt ass naked so I suppose the next best thing (besides rolling around in the tub) is to spend $13 to go see a movie in a dark, freezing cold movie theater.First of all...FUCK MOVIE THEATERS! I went to the movies the other day and tried to

T-Pain, you're pissin' me off...

2008-07-30T18:54:00.011-04:00

(sigh)...you know, I enjoy hip hop music. In all actuality, I enjoy multiple genres of music. But hip hop is one that I must say I enjoy the most. With that, I have noticed that Hip Hop (like any genre of music, poetry, film, etc.) goes through eras. The year is 2008, and apparently this would be "The T-Pain Era" where this bleach blond dreadlocked having coon has reincarnated the Zapp Band and

Allow me to introduce myself....

2008-07-17T23:05:00.008-04:00

Alright boys & girls,The name is Owen Detwiler...I DON'T enjoy long walks on the beach because I was raised to walk with a purpose. Those that don't walk with a purpose frequently tend to get marked late, put extra mileage on their sneakers, and occasionally get raped in back alleys. I prefer to check the "none of the above" box. I DON'T like candle lit dinners. In the unfortunate event I have